I am sure most of us know or have heard of Ayesha Curry. She is a Canadian-American actress, celebrity cook, author, entrepreneur and the wife of basketball star Steph Curry. I know many times I’ve seen cute pictures of them and their kids floating around social media and thought to myself “what a cute family.” They are fairly young and have been married for about eight years. Last month in an interview with HelloGiggles.com, Ayesha Curry admitted to putting her relationship with Steph before their children. It sparked a big debate as to who comes first in your household, your husband or your kids? Scrolling through social media you can see that many people agreed with her statement. On the other hand many people, like me, thought it was preposterous to ever say you will put anyone before your children.
Ayesha supported her statement by saying “Because when you become a parent, you want to put your kids first, and we do, but we do it second to our relationship. Because ultimately, when our relationship is good, the kids are happy and they’re thriving and our family life is good. We have to put that into perspective and realize that it’s not us being selfish, it’s making sure we set a strong foundation.” After hearing this second part I had a better understanding of her point of view. I think the bigger picture isn’t who comes first but more so building a strong foundation for your family. You can do that without necessarily saying you put your husband before your children.
Any long-lasting relationship needs a strong foundation. In my opinion, the key factors to building a strong foundation is balance, communication, compromise and respect. I know you may be thinking to yourself, well she is a single mother “how would she know?” I know because I have sat back and watched many people (male and female) I know put their partner first and their relationship still crumbled like a cookie. I also sat back and watched people who incorporated these four factors in their relationship and it flourished. Motivational speaker Tony Gaskins said “The wise learn from the mistakes of others, it’s the fool that wants to make their own mistakes.” You can put my advice to the test by looking at someone you know who is in a long-lasting healthy relationship. Do you see them use any of these factors?
Four Factors
Balance is the first key factor in building a strong family foundation. As a supermom, we often put our children above any and everyone including ourselves. It is okay to put your children first but you also must realize that everyone needs balance. As a parent, as a partner, as a woman, shit just as a human being, balance is important. Balance within the family means making time for your kids, making personal time for yourself and making time to build an everlasting relationship with your partner. It’s not about who comes first, it’s about making time for everyone; including yourself.
The next two factors in building a strong family foundation is what I call the two C’s, communication and compromise. The two C’s go hand and hand, neither will be effective without the other. You must be able to openly communicate with your partner. When I say openly I don’t mean screaming over each other, cutting each other off mid-sentence, not listening or totally disregarding what your partner says because you do not personally agree with it. You must be willing to listen just as much as you talk. You must hear each other out and have compassion for opposing views. Then comes the compromise. In compromise, you have to be willing to come to a happy medium, take the L or take the victory. You can’t have one of these options all of the time. There will be times where there isn’t a happy medium and you have to remember the phrase “you win some, you lose some.” Marriage is about give and take. If you and your partner master communication and compromise you are on a great road to building a strong family foundation.
Respect is the last factor in building a strong family foundation. As Aretha Franklin said R.E.S.P.E.C.T. You and your partner must have respect for each other. According to dictionary.com respect is “due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others.” In this context “others” is your partner. That means respect should reflect in the decisions you make when your partner isn’t around. Respect is looping your partner in decision making that will affect them and your family as a whole. Respect is making sure you incorporate the other three factors, balance, compromise and communication, in your relationship. There is no relationship or family foundation if you cannot learn to respect each other.
Building a strong foundation for your family does not mean you have to put your partner before your children or your children before your partner. Building a strong family foundation means you and your partner work towards a life of balance, communication, compromise and respect. One of these factors alone will not make for a strong foundation that can weather the storm. You need all four of these factors combined to truly build a strong relationship and family foundation. These factors don’t always come overnight. It is a work in progress that you and your partner have to be willing and open to do.
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